im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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