Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
