did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
