I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
