i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't deserve a penis
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
