Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I want is dick and wine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
