Soap is not a condiment
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
