oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
