Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
