Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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