My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
