Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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