i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
