I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
