you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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