I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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