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She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
