things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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