she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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