you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
