Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
