discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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