My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no, he came in my armpit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
