new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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