you win again, gameday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
