Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
