The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
