Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
