i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think I won the penis lottery.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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