you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
