Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
