Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
