Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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