ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
