Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
