Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
