i think i have two assholes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
