I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
