why didn't you poke me back
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
