Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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