Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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