I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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