Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well you can't waste a boner
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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