dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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