Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
