when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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