My friends, they love my intelligence
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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