every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
