The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
