look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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