Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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