all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
