Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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