bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
